こんにちは！
お喜楽道です^^
昨日から、
実家に帰って、
のんびりしてます。
実家に帰ってきた理由は、、、
この記事に書いたことの雪辱を果たすためですw
↓↓↓↓↓
そして、、、
この通り、
無事に、
手続きを終えました！！！
パンパカパ〜〜ン！！
そのあとは、
物置状態になっている
おじいちゃんの家に行き、
いらない服をじゃんじゃん捨てよう大会２０１９
を開催して、
お腹が空いたので、
昨日は、
パパととんかつを食べました〜〜〜
で、とんかつを待ってる時、
パパと話してて思ったんです。
パパとこうして
普通に話せるのって
何年振りだろうって。
今までも回数は多くないものの帰省はしてました。
その度に、
別に会話がなかったわけでは無いです。
でも、
気づきました。
私って
いっつも食事中に絶えず、
考えごとをしてたことに。
だから、
パパが話しかけてきても
面倒だなぁ〜〜
うるさいなぁ〜〜
こっちは、
今仕事のこと考えてて
忙しいんだよ
みたいに思ってたなぁと。
別に、
急ぎの仕事があるわけでもありませんw
でも、
仕事のことを考えてたり、
他の考えごとをしてたり、
頭の中が忙しなく動いてました。
そして、
それを邪魔されるのが
めちゃくちゃ嫌だったんです。
正直、
彼女とご飯を食べてても
同じでした。
ずっと頭で考えごとをしてて
急いでも無いのに、
時間がもったいないと思って
ご飯を食べ終わったら、
そそくさと帰って、仕事をしたり、
PCを開く
そんな感じでした。
今思うと、
なんでそんなことをしてたのかって感じです。
でも、
そういうことをしてました。
だったんですが、、
今日は、
なんか違いました。
パパと普通に話せてたんです。
なんでかなって思ったら、
頭で考えごとをしてませんでした。
先程の記事で地元に帰省した時は、
こうじゃなかったです。
なので、
5/3の時点では、
話しかけないで欲しいなぁ〜〜
って思ってました。
とんぼ返りしたのも
話しかけないで欲しいと思ってたからでした。
でも、
今日は、違いました。
何が違ったのか。
ここ数日の間に、
父親という存在に対して
色々なことを考えていました。
その結果、
自分が、勝手に敵対視していただけで
それは、自分の思い込みだったんだと
気づいたんですよね。
そうしたら、
パパの発言にイライラしなくなりました。
もっと言うと、
私は、
ビジネスを始めてから
帰省をする度に、
「自分が稼いでるんだから奢るよ！」
と言って、
自分からお財布を開いていました。
でも、
今日は、パパが払おうとしてくれてるのに
それを止めなくてもいいのかもしれない
そう思えたんです。
これもよ〜〜く考えてみると、
ここ数週間で
本当の意味で自立をしたからなのかなぁ〜〜と。
つまり、
今までは、
無理やり自分が自立をした姿を見せて
親を安心させようとしてたのかもなぁと。
でも、
それは偽りのものであって、
ようやく、自分が自立をすることができたから
奢るという行為をしなくても
パパが払ってくれようとしてるなら
甘えてもいいと思えたのかもなぁ・・と。
良く言うじゃないですか。
恩は、下に返せ
って。
私にとって、
上にあたるパパから受けた恩は、
下に返せばいいんだって。
またひとつ、
受け取れるようになったようです。
成人したからって
ビジネスをして稼いでるからって
だからと言って、
子供なんだから
もっと頼っていいのかもなって。
そんなことを思いました。
実家に帰ると波動が低く感じてたのは、
私が勝手に、
頭の中でパパのことを
邪険に扱ってただけだったのかもなぁと。
これからは、
実家に帰ってくるのも
平気になるかもしれません。
ここは、
私が、生まれ育った家ですから。
ちなみに、
私は、パパのことを
本人に対して、
パパと呼ぶことに抵抗がありました。
でも、
お父さんって呼んだこと
多分一度もありません。
だから、
パパもお父さんも名前も呼んでなかったので
なんて呼んでたっけ？
そもそも、
そういうのは呼ばずに、
ただ話をだけしてたかもしれません。
それほどまでに、
話をしたく無いと思ってたのかもしれません。
でも、
今日は、パパって普通に言えました。
これからも、
言えるんだと思います。
世の中では、
パパっていう響き、
おかしいと思われるかもしれません。
でも、
私は、もう他人の目が気にならなくなってきてるので
自分がしっくりくるならそれでいいかなと思ってます。
パパもそうだし、
ママもママとしか呼んだ記憶がありません。
お母さんって一度も言ったことなかったと思います。
まぁ、私は、赤ちゃんに戻ることを目指してますし、
こういうのも子供の時と同じでいいかな〜〜
な〜〜んてw
自分に正直に生きる
って本当に喜楽ですね〜〜〜
今日、また一つ、
赤ちゃんに近づいた気がします笑
あ、そうそう。
今回、
思ったのが、
「頭がうるさいと
周りがうるさくなる」
っていうことだなぁと。
これ、私にとっては、
かなり、真理だと思ってます。
受け取れる方だけ受け取ってください〜〜
初期から呼んでくださってる方は、
受け取れるかな？
今日、受け取れなくても
一年後は、受け取れるかもしれませんよ〜〜〜笑
本日もあなたの人生が軽やかでお喜楽なものになることを心から応援しています^^
追伸：
[”パートナーシップを改善したい”ですか？]
個別トークでのお悩み相談もいつでも大歓迎です^^
（※人数増えて来たら返信自体ができなくなるかも・・
今がチャンスかもですよ〜〜笑）
・波動を上げて人生をよくするコツ
・ブログでは公すぎて書けないシェア
・お喜楽道のプライベートw
などを”不定期に”配信していきます。
お喜楽にポチってみてくださいね〜〜
冷やかしはいりませんよ〜〜笑
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